Loving Yourself as Jesus Loves You: Where Do I Even Start? (Part 1)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It doesn't dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered it, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trust, always hopes, always perseveres."

I'm riddled with self-doubt, self-loathing feelings of unworthiness, damaged, and not enough. Most days, I don't like myself much less love myself. That's where it all started with the idea of trying to love myself as Jesus loves me. What does that even look like? Is it selfish to love myself? Where do I start?

My counselor suggested that I start with the most popular verses on love, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Apostle Paul is writing to the church in Corinthia when the church was fractured and lacking love. He provided them with a clear definition of love, but not any love, "agape" love. Agape love is love without consequences, it is the greek term to describe a type of unconditional and reflective love in which the lover takes into account only the good of the loved one. This is why many times you see this verse used when picking a spouse. You are to replace the word "love" or "it" in the verse with your potential partners name and if they match the qualities exhibited in the verse, then it is a good indiactor whether that person's actions and attitudes align with the biblical definition of love. This is a way of revealing potential problems or healthiness within a relationship.

You can also use it to self reflect if you exhibit the qualities of agape love. So thats what I did and overall I do exhibit the characteristics of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. But this raised a bigger question, if I do exhibit those characteristics, why don't I love myself?

It all starts with the spiritual enemy, "the accuser of our brother" mentioned in Revelation 12:19. I didn't know it, but for the longest time and still, that voice is loud in my head relentlessly reminding me of my failures, faults, and sins. And when I imagine myself trying to love me how Jesus loves me; I get a mix feelings of scared, insecure, nervous, and inadequate. In order to stand tall against the spiritual enemy I must know what God says in His word about me, the truths that combat what the enemy says.

Learning to love myself biblically means seeing me as God sees me, a beloved individual who, by grace is capable of reflecting His image and doing His good works. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork (workmanship), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I am God's handywork His workmanship. I am God's unique creation and masterpiece and not by chance but deliberate design. God loves me simply because He created me. This verse reminds me to accept the gift of God's grace, not trying to be perfect on my own, because my worth is based on being a child of God. God's loves me so much, He thinks of me often and keeps His eyes on me at all times. Psalm 139: 17-18 and Isaiah 49:16 are a reminder of God's constant, thoughtful, and loving consideration for every individual. 

Despite knowing that, I still feel scared that I don't deserve love because of my sins and flaws. God knows I fail daily yet Psalms 103:12 says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." My sins were removed permanently and cannot be found. My selfworth is not based on my actions or flaws but on God's unwavering love and mercy. When I feel that I don't deserve God's love, this is a human feeling that goes against the foundational Christian belief that God's grace and love is given freely, not earned.

1 John 4:18 states, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."  God's love for me as a believer diminishes fear in not understanding God's true grace and love. Accepting God's love for me, how He sees me, is one of the first steps to loving myself as God loves me. Yet, even knowing this, I still feel a knot of insecurity when I look in the mirror, haunted by my sins and stumbles. Next time, we'll learn to combat those lies with the specific truth of God's grace and discover the life-giving difference between Godly grief and its destructive counterfeit.